I've lost track of what day this is on my Medi-diet. It's Monday, tho.... and today has been really tough. Lots of tears today. I feel like I'm being punished for "lettin' myself go." I'm hungry. My digestive system is not too happy right now. TMI? Sorry. My energy levels are lagging today. My emotions are pretty raw today.
What have I eaten today?
Breakfast = 2 eggs. 20 oz of vitamin water. 2 cups of coffee with a little bit of fat free creamer in it.
Lunch = 4 oz turkey breast, 2 sticks of cheese.
Dinner = 4 oz of pork tenderloin. Water.
About 510 calories today.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor for vitamin shots & to weigh in. I think the vitamin shots will really help me. I missed the time on Friday, since they close shop at 2. So, perhaps that's why I'm lagging a bit today....
I went to the grocery store today. That was difficult. But I did it. Stuck to my guns. Bought 3 bananas for Kenzie, 1 lb of turkey breast from the deli counter, string cheese & another kind of cheese, all low fat and in individual servings of 1 oz each. I bought a quart of milk for Kenzie. I bought a bunch of zero powerade, grape & orange flavored. They don't have any carbs in them. And I bought a garlic / lemon marinated pork tenderloin. That was delicious for dinner.
Part of my emotional problems have to do with our company having problems again getting customers to pay. We're behind on getting paychecks, which means I'm about a week behind on some bills. I know it's not critical yet, but I'm NEVER late on my bills and this is distressing to me. I spent the afternoon unburying my desk, going thru mail, entering bills on quickbooks, and shredding a bunch of junk mail offers. Normally I'd be having a glass of wine or a beer while doing that task, but not today! I only had my water / powerade zero. ::deep sigh::
Okay... get a grip, Deb. Time to focus on what the results will be of eating this way. I NEED to get back to my skinny self. I have to!
Okay, I'm just gonna ignore my growling tummy. Perhaps I'll treat myself to a diet root beer in a bit!
***
and that's my life so far...
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Day Five
Okay. Day 5. I cannot tell you how much better I'm feelin' already. It's like, "Oh yeah.... this is what it's like to NOT be so tired ALL the time!" Nice.
I am gettin' a bit of a headache, tho.... Need to drink some water. BRB.
Okay, got my vitamin water zero, orange flavored and am all set.
Church Day. So, this morning, I had my coffee with a scant amount of creamer in it. I had a chocolate protein shake on the way to church, and I took all my vitamins. I was not hungry at all during church. I even gave out snacks to my little Toddler Class, and didn't even consider eating a goldfishy... How about that??? I came home, had 4 oz of deli sliced ham and 1 hard boiled egg. YUMMO. And a Diet Dr. Pepper. So, I haven't had enough water yet today. But I'm workin' on it.
Gotta go back to church tonight to be part of the service celebrating the past year in our church. I need to speak about the Kaleidoscope Children's Choir & our recent Work & Witness trip to Alaska. It will be a LONG service, about an hour and a half. So, I'm not sure if I'll eat before or wait til after. I get pretty hungry in the evenings. I'm just not used to NOT having anything sweet to eat in the evenings, like ice cream or cookies. So, my tummy grumbles.
I'm pretty proud of myself. I already can see that my "preggo" tummy has slimmed down. According to my scale at home, I'm down 9 lbs since Wednesday. I know most of it is water weight... but still, 9 lbs is 9 lbs. So Woo Hoo to me!
***
And that's my life so far...
I am gettin' a bit of a headache, tho.... Need to drink some water. BRB.
Okay, got my vitamin water zero, orange flavored and am all set.
Church Day. So, this morning, I had my coffee with a scant amount of creamer in it. I had a chocolate protein shake on the way to church, and I took all my vitamins. I was not hungry at all during church. I even gave out snacks to my little Toddler Class, and didn't even consider eating a goldfishy... How about that??? I came home, had 4 oz of deli sliced ham and 1 hard boiled egg. YUMMO. And a Diet Dr. Pepper. So, I haven't had enough water yet today. But I'm workin' on it.
Gotta go back to church tonight to be part of the service celebrating the past year in our church. I need to speak about the Kaleidoscope Children's Choir & our recent Work & Witness trip to Alaska. It will be a LONG service, about an hour and a half. So, I'm not sure if I'll eat before or wait til after. I get pretty hungry in the evenings. I'm just not used to NOT having anything sweet to eat in the evenings, like ice cream or cookies. So, my tummy grumbles.
I'm pretty proud of myself. I already can see that my "preggo" tummy has slimmed down. According to my scale at home, I'm down 9 lbs since Wednesday. I know most of it is water weight... but still, 9 lbs is 9 lbs. So Woo Hoo to me!
***
And that's my life so far...
Friday, August 19, 2011
Day Three
Hey! Okay! Better!!! Down 2 1/2 more lbs, according to my scale at home. I know, I know, it's all water weight, but I tell ya what... I put on a pair of pants today that I wouldn't wear while in Alaska a month ago, and they fit! So Woo to the Hoo Hooooo. I won't be surprised if I have a 10 lb WL this week. I go on Tuesday for my WI, officially.
Sleep. It evaded me last night. Wide awake from 2 AM to about 4:30ish. So sorry, Don. Had the TV on that whole time, trying to get it to lull me back to sleep. I think it's the appetite suppressant that's doing it. We'll see. I took 2 yesterday, but the 2nd one was at 3 PM. Today, I took my 2nd one at 1:30. So, I'll see if that helps.
BUT.... I feel MUCH better today! More energetic! And I'm in ketosis. I checked my strip at 4 AM. Yup. It changed. It's a good thing.
Still having a troublesome side effect. Just ate 2 oz of chicken and am drinking a diet dr. pepper. Gonna wait a bit to make sure I'm okay before heading to the clinic for my vitamin shots.
But..... WOO TO THE HOO HOOOOOOOOO~
***
And that's my life so far.
Sleep. It evaded me last night. Wide awake from 2 AM to about 4:30ish. So sorry, Don. Had the TV on that whole time, trying to get it to lull me back to sleep. I think it's the appetite suppressant that's doing it. We'll see. I took 2 yesterday, but the 2nd one was at 3 PM. Today, I took my 2nd one at 1:30. So, I'll see if that helps.
BUT.... I feel MUCH better today! More energetic! And I'm in ketosis. I checked my strip at 4 AM. Yup. It changed. It's a good thing.
Still having a troublesome side effect. Just ate 2 oz of chicken and am drinking a diet dr. pepper. Gonna wait a bit to make sure I'm okay before heading to the clinic for my vitamin shots.
But..... WOO TO THE HOO HOOOOOOOOO~
***
And that's my life so far.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Day Two
Okay. Day Two has been a rough one. I woke up throughout the night with tummy rumbles.... and no less than 4 times to go pee. BUT, the scale showed 5 lbs gone since yesterday! Woo hoo!
Today has been really rough. I've been very tired. Have drank alot of water and coffee. Have eaten a bit. Getting ready to cook the chicken. I may end up having a hard boiled egg with it. I'm pretty hungry.
But I'm makin' it. I know once I get into ketosis, I'll get my energy back, and the lbs will melt off.
I will start back to exercise next Monday. I just don't think I could have handled it today nor tomorrow. Conserving energy, ya know?
***
and that's my life so far.
Today has been really rough. I've been very tired. Have drank alot of water and coffee. Have eaten a bit. Getting ready to cook the chicken. I may end up having a hard boiled egg with it. I'm pretty hungry.
But I'm makin' it. I know once I get into ketosis, I'll get my energy back, and the lbs will melt off.
I will start back to exercise next Monday. I just don't think I could have handled it today nor tomorrow. Conserving energy, ya know?
***
and that's my life so far.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Day One
Okay. Day One. Starting a journey back to the Old Me. I'm desperate. I'm off all of my meds that caused me to gain weight. No more Tamixofen. No more Cymbalta. It's just little ole me. I have been drug free since last April, and still have only managed to lose a few lbs. So..... here I go!
I'm starting the plan that Dyan is on. Medi something or other. It's a plan supervised by a weight loss doctor. It's designed to put my body into a ketonic state, therefore causing me to burn fat, not muscle, in a very quick way. And... then there's going to be maintenance, once I lose the weight. Apparently this first week will be the toughest. Protein. That's it. Lots and lots of protein. Well, not lots and lots. Gotta keep it at 500 calories of protein per day for a week. Then I get to up it to 800 and add back in fruit and veggies.
No more cream in my coffee.
No more "adult" beverages.
No more carbs.
No more fried okra.
No more light icecream at night.
What do I get?
I get to be back to my old self.
I will get to wear my size 12 jeans again. Maybe even 10's.
I will get to wear the rest of the clothes in my closet.
I see myself without my extra chins!
The problem is this.... I have body dysmorphic disorder, only in reverse. I still feel skinny inside. But when I walk past a mirror, see myself in photographs or in car windows, I don't recognize myself. Bad. That is bad.
So, I'm starting on this new journey back to my old self.
***
And that's my life so far.
***
So, now it's the end of Day One. How do I feel? Well, overwhelmed, to be quite honest. There is alot to learn. And like Dyan has told me, I have to wrap my mind around this. I can do it. I know I can. But right now, I'm hungry. Really hungry.
Today, I've eaten 1 1/2 eggs for breakfast with 2 cups of BLACK coffee. Then I had my appt. at the doctor. That took 2 hours. I got my vitamin shots and then they gave me a protein bar because I'd blown thru lunch time and was a little shaky. Then I went to the pharmacy to get my meds filled. Stopped by Sonic to get a diet cherry limeade. Came home, took all my supplements and made my grocery shopping list. Lots and lots of proteins.
Went to the store and bought what I needed and some extra food stuffs for Don to eat. He's not on this extreme diet. He's skinny enough. Sooooo, then I got home around 4 and dug into my rotisserie chicken, pulled off 4 oz of it and ate it up. I was REALLY hungry by that time. Then I drank 20 oz of vitamin water with 0 calories to get some electrolites.
Next, I cleaned out the fridge of all bad things. That filled up 2 trash bags. Oy....
For dinner, I got the George Foreman out and grilled 3 oz of salmon, and hardboiled 4 eggs. I ate one of them along with my salmon, which btw, was quite yummy. I sprinkled Old Bay Seasoning on it and it was DELISH.
Now it's almost 8 and I'm still hungry. I know this will go away. I'm fixin' to have a diet root beer for dessert. I know I'll be up all night peein'. Oh well.
One day down, 6 to go. I know I can do it. I've had LOTS of emotions today. I cried when I saw my weight. I was excited when she told me that one of my numbers shows that it's obvious I've been exercising. I liked that! The girls at the clinic were VERY encouraging to me. Dyan was very encouraging to me. I'm pretty scared, tho.... what if I fail at yet another weightloss attempt??? I simply cannot. I MUST get this weight off. My life really depends on it. I MUST get to where I look good in my pictures again.
God? Help me???
***
And that's my life so far...
I'm starting the plan that Dyan is on. Medi something or other. It's a plan supervised by a weight loss doctor. It's designed to put my body into a ketonic state, therefore causing me to burn fat, not muscle, in a very quick way. And... then there's going to be maintenance, once I lose the weight. Apparently this first week will be the toughest. Protein. That's it. Lots and lots of protein. Well, not lots and lots. Gotta keep it at 500 calories of protein per day for a week. Then I get to up it to 800 and add back in fruit and veggies.
No more cream in my coffee.
No more "adult" beverages.
No more carbs.
No more fried okra.
No more light icecream at night.
What do I get?
I get to be back to my old self.
I will get to wear my size 12 jeans again. Maybe even 10's.
I will get to wear the rest of the clothes in my closet.
I see myself without my extra chins!
The problem is this.... I have body dysmorphic disorder, only in reverse. I still feel skinny inside. But when I walk past a mirror, see myself in photographs or in car windows, I don't recognize myself. Bad. That is bad.
So, I'm starting on this new journey back to my old self.
***
And that's my life so far.
***
So, now it's the end of Day One. How do I feel? Well, overwhelmed, to be quite honest. There is alot to learn. And like Dyan has told me, I have to wrap my mind around this. I can do it. I know I can. But right now, I'm hungry. Really hungry.
Today, I've eaten 1 1/2 eggs for breakfast with 2 cups of BLACK coffee. Then I had my appt. at the doctor. That took 2 hours. I got my vitamin shots and then they gave me a protein bar because I'd blown thru lunch time and was a little shaky. Then I went to the pharmacy to get my meds filled. Stopped by Sonic to get a diet cherry limeade. Came home, took all my supplements and made my grocery shopping list. Lots and lots of proteins.
Went to the store and bought what I needed and some extra food stuffs for Don to eat. He's not on this extreme diet. He's skinny enough. Sooooo, then I got home around 4 and dug into my rotisserie chicken, pulled off 4 oz of it and ate it up. I was REALLY hungry by that time. Then I drank 20 oz of vitamin water with 0 calories to get some electrolites.
Next, I cleaned out the fridge of all bad things. That filled up 2 trash bags. Oy....
For dinner, I got the George Foreman out and grilled 3 oz of salmon, and hardboiled 4 eggs. I ate one of them along with my salmon, which btw, was quite yummy. I sprinkled Old Bay Seasoning on it and it was DELISH.
Now it's almost 8 and I'm still hungry. I know this will go away. I'm fixin' to have a diet root beer for dessert. I know I'll be up all night peein'. Oh well.
One day down, 6 to go. I know I can do it. I've had LOTS of emotions today. I cried when I saw my weight. I was excited when she told me that one of my numbers shows that it's obvious I've been exercising. I liked that! The girls at the clinic were VERY encouraging to me. Dyan was very encouraging to me. I'm pretty scared, tho.... what if I fail at yet another weightloss attempt??? I simply cannot. I MUST get this weight off. My life really depends on it. I MUST get to where I look good in my pictures again.
God? Help me???
***
And that's my life so far...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Destruction of My Childhood Town
May 22, 2011, an EF 5 tornado hits Joplin, MO at 5:41 PM, was on the ground for something like 13 miles, over a half mile wide and completely destroyed the part of town where I grew up.
***
May 20th ~ I had been talking to my sister, letting her know I'd come to Joplin to help her clean up her house, since she'd been so sick for the last 3 weeks. I knew I was having a family gathering on Saturday, so instead, I told her I'd come down on Sunday. Not a problem. Well... except for the fact that I teach a toddler Sunday school class, and those little girls miss Miss Debbie so much when I'm not there.... so, I decided to stay home and teach those sweet girls. And since I wouldn't be able to get to Joplin until the middle of the afternoon, I figured it wouldn't give me much good cleaning time, so I called my sister and told her I'd rather come down on Monday, so I'd have a full day of cleaning / organizing, and caring for her since she was so sick. She said that would be fine, and instead of my coming down, she'd take Sunday afternoon and go visit her mother in law. Set.
Don & I decided to go to the movies that afternoon, which we haven't done in such a long while. Pirates of the Caribbean. Good. When we came out, we had phone calls from Jory asking us if we knew if Chris was alright! What? A tornado??? OMGosh!!! No way!!! Then the next several hours were frantic with phone calls to Josh (Chris' son) and Chris' phone, which went straight to voicemail. (Her phone was probably in Indiana by that time.) We got home and turned on the news, and I couldn't believe my eyes.... The Finger of God touched my hometown in a dramatic way.
About 9 PM that night, we had confirmation that my sister was okay, as she had been on the other side of town. Praising God for that. My brother & sister in law were home, and fine. My family had been spared. Others had not. Such a tragedy.
Don & I decided to go to the movies that afternoon, which we haven't done in such a long while. Pirates of the Caribbean. Good. When we came out, we had phone calls from Jory asking us if we knew if Chris was alright! What? A tornado??? OMGosh!!! No way!!! Then the next several hours were frantic with phone calls to Josh (Chris' son) and Chris' phone, which went straight to voicemail. (Her phone was probably in Indiana by that time.) We got home and turned on the news, and I couldn't believe my eyes.... The Finger of God touched my hometown in a dramatic way.
About 9 PM that night, we had confirmation that my sister was okay, as she had been on the other side of town. Praising God for that. My brother & sister in law were home, and fine. My family had been spared. Others had not. Such a tragedy.
 |
| My sister's house, view from the street. |
 |
| My sister's house, view from the back. |
Her son, Josh spent the first week, post-tornado helping her find precious momentos in the debris. She found the flag her husband was buried with (military honors), she found his picture, his wedding ring, she found our mother's wedding dishes all still intact with the exception of 2 cup handles, and she found 2 of her much-needed medications!
I came down this week to lend a hand, however I might. We were able to salvage some items from her storage unit on Wednesday. While I searched, she went to run an errand. I was alone in the storage unit area, hauling out things that she'd want to keep. The heat was overwhelming. The destruction all around me was devastating. At one point, I found a chair in someone else's unit, and brought it by Chris' pile of stuff, and was sitting there looking all around me. Everywhere I could see was devastation, as if a bomb went off. A really BIG bomb. Apartments behind me - gone. Trees stripped of their bark & limbs torn off. I started noticing the eerie quiet all around me, with the exception of the creeking of metal as the wind blew it. No birds. No cars. Complete eerie quiet. Almost as what I imagine the end of civilization would be. No words can really describe it.
***
Some pictures of my childhood places.
I came down this week to lend a hand, however I might. We were able to salvage some items from her storage unit on Wednesday. While I searched, she went to run an errand. I was alone in the storage unit area, hauling out things that she'd want to keep. The heat was overwhelming. The destruction all around me was devastating. At one point, I found a chair in someone else's unit, and brought it by Chris' pile of stuff, and was sitting there looking all around me. Everywhere I could see was devastation, as if a bomb went off. A really BIG bomb. Apartments behind me - gone. Trees stripped of their bark & limbs torn off. I started noticing the eerie quiet all around me, with the exception of the creeking of metal as the wind blew it. No birds. No cars. Complete eerie quiet. Almost as what I imagine the end of civilization would be. No words can really describe it.
***
Some pictures of my childhood places.
 |
| Irving Grade School |
 |
| St. John's Hospital, where I spent my 16th birthday recovering from a bicycle crash. |
 |
| Blendville Christian Church, where I was married back in 1980. |
 |
| The Elks Lodge, where we had our wedding reception. |
So, I guess I can really say, teaching a toddler Sunday school class at First Church of the Nazarene REALLY CAN save your life!
***
And that's my life so far...
***
And that's my life so far...
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Randon Thoughts for the Month of May
1. I find when I stay busy, my depression stays away.
2. The garden beds are built, installed & filled. :)
3. It's great having a husband who is so strong.
4. I love sitting in my garden watching my grandchildren discovering new things while playing there.
5. Kenzie loves twirling around the tree in the center of my garden, a double blooming weeping cherry tree.
6. I planted okra. Lots and lots of okra.
7. I'm grateful for an inventive husband who devised a way to keep the bunnies out of my raised beds.
8. I don't mind seeing chickenwire in my garden.
9. I love my herb bed. It's filled with oregano, chives, Greek oregano, lavendar, rosemary, thyme, 3 kinds of basil, summer savory, cilantro.
10. Just when I don't feel valued at church, God reminds me that I am! Case in point... when walking out of church last Sunday evening, a nice little old lady, while getting into her car, stopped and stood up & told me this: "I want to thank you for what you do for those children and for our church. I want you to know you are valued." God, it can't get any more clear than that! Thank you, Jesus.
11. This nagging coughing is not lung cancer. :) Just allergies, I suppose... Never had allergies before. What's up with that?
12. I need to get into the Word more, daily. It always feeds me, and I've been missing it.
13. I need to keep reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. It always excites me, thinking about what it will be like in heaven.
14. I'm looking forward to our Work & Witness trip to Alaska. Love it up there...
15. I love spending time with Christian. He is an interesting child, so creative, and I love that!
16. Lily delights me.
17. Kenzie makes me laugh!
18. Noone knows when the Lord will return, but I feel that it will be soon, and I'm afraid for those who don't know Him.
19. Someday my kitchen / dining room / living room will be renovated. ::deep sigh::
20. Heard a song on the radio yesterday, K-Love, and it literally had me sobbing in the car. Part of the lyrics were, "Maybe the trials of this life are simply mercies from above." What a great way to think about these last 10 years. Thank you, God.
21. I have dirt under my fingernails, permanently, I'm afraid.
2. The garden beds are built, installed & filled. :)
3. It's great having a husband who is so strong.
4. I love sitting in my garden watching my grandchildren discovering new things while playing there.
5. Kenzie loves twirling around the tree in the center of my garden, a double blooming weeping cherry tree.
6. I planted okra. Lots and lots of okra.
7. I'm grateful for an inventive husband who devised a way to keep the bunnies out of my raised beds.
8. I don't mind seeing chickenwire in my garden.
9. I love my herb bed. It's filled with oregano, chives, Greek oregano, lavendar, rosemary, thyme, 3 kinds of basil, summer savory, cilantro.
10. Just when I don't feel valued at church, God reminds me that I am! Case in point... when walking out of church last Sunday evening, a nice little old lady, while getting into her car, stopped and stood up & told me this: "I want to thank you for what you do for those children and for our church. I want you to know you are valued." God, it can't get any more clear than that! Thank you, Jesus.
11. This nagging coughing is not lung cancer. :) Just allergies, I suppose... Never had allergies before. What's up with that?
12. I need to get into the Word more, daily. It always feeds me, and I've been missing it.
13. I need to keep reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. It always excites me, thinking about what it will be like in heaven.
14. I'm looking forward to our Work & Witness trip to Alaska. Love it up there...
15. I love spending time with Christian. He is an interesting child, so creative, and I love that!
16. Lily delights me.
17. Kenzie makes me laugh!
18. Noone knows when the Lord will return, but I feel that it will be soon, and I'm afraid for those who don't know Him.
19. Someday my kitchen / dining room / living room will be renovated. ::deep sigh::
20. Heard a song on the radio yesterday, K-Love, and it literally had me sobbing in the car. Part of the lyrics were, "Maybe the trials of this life are simply mercies from above." What a great way to think about these last 10 years. Thank you, God.
21. I have dirt under my fingernails, permanently, I'm afraid.
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