Life is Normal, Somewhat

So, what is normal, anyway?  For us, we are living in a new normal.  And it feels good!

When my RAD kid, aka Victoria Valerievna Jane, aka Vic, as I fondly refer to her, first came to live with us, it was a whole new experience of learning for our entire family.  We had the Honeymoon Phase... where everything was new and exciting for Victoria, while deep inside of her, she felt unworthy and still felt unwanted.  There was a complete lack of trust from her in us, that we wouldn't get mad at her and kick her out.  She tried our patience many, many times.  And every time, our trust was proven in that we continued to love her through it.  She ran within a week of moving in with us.... as she was simply overwhelmed.  Therapy began that day, and we also chose to pull her out of public school, finishing out the year with home-based education.  We made the decision to home school for the next 2 years of her high school career.

Things were smooth after that, and a period of peace ensued.  Until she once again, felt unworthy of our love and home and family.  God is so good!  He provided me the insight to check up on her via Facebook, therefore learning of some plans she was making to once again run.  You see, with RAD kids, they have no capacity for making rational decisions regarding their health and well-being.  She was unable to feel that her decisions or planning would not be in her own best interest.  She was incapable of feeling regret, initially.  God is good, though, and we intervened and once again, loved her through it.  Lots of talking, holding, hugging, cuddling.... all of those things that she never experienced from a loving mother & father.  The Honeymoon Phase was over.  Reality was setting in.

We had horse therapy, thanks to my sweet cousin, Leslie, opening up her home in Texas to us for a week.  I cannot express what that week did for Vic.  Blessings and memories....  and another new "normal."

God is so good....  He continued to piece Victoria back together through us...  Our new normal was full of ups, mostly ups with a few downs thrown in.  She was evolving into a wonderful young woman, with confidence beginning to show through.

What is a RAD kid?  What is RAD?

Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers. 

A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused or orphaned. Reactive attachment disorder develops because the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring attachments with others are never established. This may permanently change the child's growing brain, hurting the ability to establish future relationships. 

Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition, but with treatment children can develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Safe and proven treatments for reactive attachment disorder include psychological counseling and parent or caregiver education.
Here is a list of some of the symptoms of RAD:

Common signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder

• An aversion to touch and physical affection. Children with reactive attachment disorder often flinch, laugh, or even say “Ouch” when touched. Rather than producing positive feelings, touch and affection are perceived as a threat.
• Control issues. Most children with reactive attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control and avoid feeling helpless. They are often disobedient, defiant, and argumentative.
• Anger problems. Anger may be expressed directly, in tantrums or acting out, or through manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior. Children with reactive attachment disorder may hide their anger in socially acceptable actions, like giving a high five that hurts or hugging someone too hard.
• Difficulty showing genuine care and affection. For example, children with reactive attachment disorder may act inappropriately affectionate with strangers while displaying little or no affection towards their parents.
• An underdeveloped conscience. Children with reactive attachment disorder may act like they don’t have a conscience and fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse after behaving badly.

Yeah, so, we adopted a child with RAD.  But God is so good, in that He has directed our path towards finding a way to help her to cope with life, to feel loved, cherished, and give her a true sense of belonging.  

And that's your RAD Education for the day!  Perhaps next blog will be an education about neurofeedback therapy.... Vic's life saver.

We are living in a new normal!