Tomorrow we fly home. It's been one month that we've been here in Big Lake, Alaska, serving the Lord at Camp Maranatha. What a month it's been! I don't know when I've ever worked so hard, and I have an extreme appreciation for what Becky & Terry Livengood do up here at this camp! I know that the Lord is blessing them and their sweet family as they are ministering to the needs of the Alaskan people. I admire them so much.
***
Victoria. Oh. My. Gosh! What a trooper she is! She has worked sooooo hard up here, and she has served her Lord well. NOT. ONE. COMPLAINT. EVER!!! Unbelievable, her work ethic is. If we had a 5 AM wake up time to get to the kitchen by 6, she was on it. No complaints. If we spent LONG days working in the kitchen, she did what was asked of her without ONE complaint! What 17 year old does that??? My kid, that's who!
***
Christy Conrad. My new friend. She and her husband Kevin live up here at the camp and help out Becky & Terry with the daily running of the camp. What a kick it's been to meet them and to work alongside them. They are adoptive parents of several children and have fostered many others. Christy has a heart for the children without parents. Recently, she had been fostering a baby named Joy while her mother was seeking treatment for some issues. Joy had been in Christy & Kevin's lives since she was a day old. Joy is now 7 months old, and just this past week, the paternal grandparents got their way in "The System" and were given the right to keep Joy until reunification with Joy's mother. It was hard letting go of Joy on Friday. Tough, tough time.... lots of prayer covering that baby.
***
What we've learned while serving at Camp Maranatha:
1. Standing on your feet doing dishes for 2 1/2 hours straight is HARD work.
2. Doing dishes for 2 1/2 hours straight ruins your hands.
3. Being on your feet for the better part of 14 hour days makes your ankles turn into kankles.
4. When you develop kankles and your skin has really swollen up, the sub dermal layer of skin breaks apart, giving the appearance of a nasty rash. :-/
5. Alaska is beautiful.
6. The Alaskan people are very down to earth.
7. Mosquitoes love me.
8. If you wear sandals because your feet and ankles are swollen, you WILL get mosquito bites on the bottom of your feet.
9. I can live a month without blow drying or stying my hair.
10. Alaska is gorgeous.
11. The view at Camp Maranatha never gets old.
12. Being Dead Dog Tired is a good thing.
13. 60 degree weather in July is a GOOD thing.
14. They don't really do much celebrating of the 4th of July up here, in the typical sense. Sure, they have the food & decorations, but no fireworks. The sun doesn't set.
15. Terry Livengood has willpower like none other.
16. Becky Livengood demonstrates Grace on a daily basis, like none other.
17. I should learn how to show Grace, by Becky's example.
18. It doesn't really rain hard up here.... it's just constant. Like all night long. Drip, drip, drip.....
19. Nothing tastes as good as freshly caught salmon.
20. Hard work really doesn't kill you.
Hourglass Lake
Vic holding elk antlers.
Vic & I near a river leading to Hatcher's Pass.
Time to serve DINNER!
FRESH SALMON!!! There is NUTHIN' better!
BELOW: Part of the teen camp was a symbolic yet heartfelt moment when they had written their sins, or what needs changing in their lives on a board, broke it, just like Christ did for them, and then tossed it in the fire. Prayer followed for each camper. Beautiful moment.
Moose meat burrito! YUMMO!
AHHHHHHH!!!
Becky & Terry Livengood. My heroes.
***
And that's my life so far...
I ache. Really ache. All over ache. From the bottoms of my feet to my shoulders ache.
I love being here in Alaska, but the work is definitely not for the faint of heart. I admire Becky so much for the grace & endurance in which she works. She is tireless. I'm sure she gets tired, but she never, ever acts like it.
These old joints just ache. And this evening, while working in the kitchen at the clean up station, I did something to my right ankle on the outside. Something snapped. Not sure what's up with that, but it nearly buckled me to the floor. My calves are so tight from all the walking, and finally, something gave way. I hope it's better tomorrow after a full nights rest. I hobbled back to the Lodge after the dinner mess was cleaned up. And I ache.
Victoria is doing very well up here.... she is loving working in the kitchen and is also tireless. I'm so proud of her! Her feet ache too, but after a short rest in our room, she's back out there with the teens. Good for her! Another night of Teen Challenges where they'll get all dirty.....They will clean off in the lake before getting back in our room at midnight to take a shower. She is definitely having fun.
I ache. Every joint from my hip bones to my toes ache. I wonder when I'll get used to this? Hopefully soon.....
Some random happenings & observances here at Camp Marantha:
1. It's beautiful here.
2. I brought Kansas City's hot weather with me.... it had to have been in the mid 80's here today.
3. Sunset tonight is 11:39 PM.
4. It never really gets dark here.
5. People are very friendly up here.
6. No need for air conditioning here.
7. A little boy caught a fish tonight and took a sharp knife & cutting board from the kitchen, with his parents, and gutted his fishy. I had to clean it up. Nasty.
8. It's peaceful here.
9. I took a nap today to the sound of children playing outside. It was serene.
10. Camp food is NOT for those who are trying to watch what they eat.... Not very healthy at all.... but it sure is tasty!
And I ache.
***
And that's my life so far....
This RAD mom decided to bring her RAD kid on a month long mission trip up to the beautiful state of Alaska! Since my RAD kid is headed down the pathway of becoming a missionary, I figured why not spend a month in Alaska, sorta getting her feet wet in the mission field and see how she likes it! So, here we are!
We arrived on Monday, June 30th at 3:02 in the afternoon, Anchorage time. The flights were long, but basically uneventful... which is a good thing! No delays, cancellations, or problems this time.... so yay for that!
We arrived at the campsite in the evening and spent the first night unpacking and settling in. It's sooo good to see my good friend, Becky & her husband, Terry and of course their kids. Becky used to be my Kaleidoscope Children's Choir accompanist a LONG time ago... we've known each other for years. She and Terry moved up here oh, about 10 years ago or so, to oversee the church campsite. They've done a marvelous job, and have turned the camp around in no time. Our job for the month is to help out in the kitchen, cooking for the masses.
This week is "Family Camp." Vic is making new friends and is having a ball! They are having a teen night of activities tonight and she plans to be out very late. I reminded her that that would be fine as long as she didn't give me any trouble about getting up at 6:15 in the morning... :) We have duties in the kitchen at 7:30.
The work here is exhausting and yet gratifying at the same time. I admire Becky so much for how hard she works when there is a camp going on. She is tireless... Ya start breakfast for 200 at 7:00 AM, feed them at 9, then clean it up and start preparing lunch.... feed them at noon or 1, then clean that up, have a bit of a break, then start in on the dinner preparations. Everything we cook is in massive quantities... which is so fun for me! I hope that the Lord allows me to be a caterer when I get to Heaven! I love cooking for this many people!!!
Case in point.... today I made a banana cake.... actually, about 10 of them! We only baked 4 and froze the rest of the batter. I mixed up 1 gallon (GALLON) of Crisco, 1 1/2 gallons of sugar, 3 gallons of flour, some vanilla & baking soda, 1/2 gallon of sour milk.... Do you know what that looks like??? Well, I definitely needed to work on my arm muscles to handle that one! I thought my arm would fall off! And then I topped the cake with a banana / cream cheese frosting.... it was so yummy. People raved about it. :)
Okay, here's the thing.... at camp, because of the cost of food, Becky makes a lot of food that is carb laden... and I have to be BETTER at not eating it... Starting tomorrow. I just don't like the way I feel when eating too many carbs. So, note to self: lay off the carbs tomorrow! You'll feel better!
Victoria is having a ball, as I knew she would! She's making new friends up here in Alaska.... She's doing a lot of the kitchen work with me and this afternoon, she was able to man the "Snack Shack" and had FUN doing it! She is such a hard worker, and I'm so proud of her, especially for the work ethic that's in her.
We have 2 more days of Family Camp this week. I wonder what'll be in store for us?
Oh, I was able to talk to a lady pastor named Barb today.... she and her husband were called to adopt a little boy from South Korea about 7 years ago. We talked at length about attachment disorders and we really connected! God is so good! I was able to share Victoria's story and again, God was glorified! I love connecting with other adoptive parents.... there is an instant bonding that happens, which is a blessing from the Lord.
Okay... jetlag is heavy with me.... Gonna go to bed, read a little and call it a night.
***
And that's my life so far...
So, what is normal, anyway? For us, we are living in a new normal. And it feels good!
When my RAD kid, aka Victoria Valerievna Jane, aka Vic, as I fondly refer to her, first came to live with us, it was a whole new experience of learning for our entire family. We had the Honeymoon Phase... where everything was new and exciting for Victoria, while deep inside of her, she felt unworthy and still felt unwanted. There was a complete lack of trust from her in us, that we wouldn't get mad at her and kick her out. She tried our patience many, many times. And every time, our trust was proven in that we continued to love her through it. She ran within a week of moving in with us.... as she was simply overwhelmed. Therapy began that day, and we also chose to pull her out of public school, finishing out the year with home-based education. We made the decision to home school for the next 2 years of her high school career.
Things were smooth after that, and a period of peace ensued. Until she once again, felt unworthy of our love and home and family. God is so good! He provided me the insight to check up on her via Facebook, therefore learning of some plans she was making to once again run. You see, with RAD kids, they have no capacity for making rational decisions regarding their health and well-being. She was unable to feel that her decisions or planning would not be in her own best interest. She was incapable of feeling regret, initially. God is good, though, and we intervened and once again, loved her through it. Lots of talking, holding, hugging, cuddling.... all of those things that she never experienced from a loving mother & father. The Honeymoon Phase was over. Reality was setting in.
We had horse therapy, thanks to my sweet cousin, Leslie, opening up her home in Texas to us for a week. I cannot express what that week did for Vic. Blessings and memories.... and another new "normal."
God is so good.... He continued to piece Victoria back together through us... Our new normal was full of ups, mostly ups with a few downs thrown in. She was evolving into a wonderful young woman, with confidence beginning to show through.
What is a RAD kid? What is RAD?
Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which
infants and young children don't establish healthy bonds with parents
or caregivers.
A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected,
abused or orphaned. Reactive attachment disorder develops because the
child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and
loving, caring attachments with others are never established. This may
permanently change the child's growing brain, hurting the ability to
establish future relationships.
Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition, but with
treatment children can develop more stable and healthy relationships
with caregivers and others. Safe and proven treatments for reactive
attachment disorder include psychological counseling and parent or
caregiver education.
Here is a list of some of the symptoms of RAD:
Common signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder
- An aversion to touch and physical affection.
Children with reactive attachment disorder often flinch, laugh, or
even say “Ouch” when touched. Rather than producing positive feelings,
touch and affection are perceived as a threat.
- Control issues. Most children with
reactive attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control
and avoid feeling helpless. They are often disobedient, defiant, and
argumentative.
- Anger problems. Anger may be
expressed directly, in tantrums or acting out, or through manipulative,
passive-aggressive behavior. Children with reactive attachment
disorder may hide their anger in socially acceptable actions, like
giving a high five that hurts or hugging someone too hard.
- Difficulty showing genuine care and affection. For
example, children with reactive attachment disorder may act
inappropriately affectionate with strangers while displaying little or
no affection towards their parents.
- An underdeveloped conscience. Children with reactive attachment disorder may act like they don’t have a conscience and fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse after behaving badly.
Yeah, so, we adopted a child with RAD. But God is so good, in that He has directed our path towards finding a way to help her to cope with life, to feel loved, cherished, and give her a true sense of belonging.
And that's your RAD Education for the day! Perhaps next blog will be an education about neurofeedback therapy.... Vic's life saver.
We are living in a new normal!
Hello Cyberworld....
Yes, I realize it's been a whole year, well, almost a whole year since I've blogged. A lot has been going on since I last blogged.
I've decided that "Choirlady" does not apply to my life right now. Instead, I thought I'd change the blog title to "Diary of a RAD Mom." Because that's what I am, a RAD mom. RAD stands for Reactive Attachment Disorder. My 3rd child has RAD. So, I thought I'd use this blog to educate the cyberworld about how life is raising a RAD kid.
Our 3rd daughter, Victoria, is a person who has RAD, which is a sub disorder coming from PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) She was diagnosed the 2nd time a year ago last March. We have since discovered that she was originally diagnosed in 2010, while still under the care of her former parents. We did not have this disclosed to us when we were going through the process of adoption. It doesn't really matter, as we'd do anything we could to help her regardless of when she was diagnosed.
Some background.... our daughter was born in Russia. She was removed from her birth mother when she was 14 months old. Victoria has an older sister who was placed with her grandmother. However, Victoria was placed in an orphanage. By the time she was adopted by a family in America, she had lived in 2 different orphanages. Vic was adopted by her first family when she was 4 years old. This family kept her until she turned 12. At that time, they'd given up on helping her and placed her in states custody. They had tried for almost 3 years to have their parental rights removed. Long story short, we discovered that they didn't want her anymore, and I did. I've always had a love for Victoria and had always been concerned about her home life & the relationship, or lack of one, with her first adoptive mom. But God is so good.... He placed in me the desire to love this child and provide her with a stable, loving home. The courts moved quickly and Victoria officially became our child on September 25, 2012.
We realized that there were issues, and we were willing to do whatever it took to make her feel loved & secure & WANTED. To be rejected by not one, but TWO mothers was a blow that no one should ever experience. So, with the help and guidance of the Lord and with the love & support of our family, we embarked on the journey of healing this broken child.
It was one year into our new life with Vic that we discovered that she has RAD. We had known that she suffered from PTSD, but the RAD diagnosis was new to us. We knew that this was above our ability to help her. So, we sought out Internet and found out what RAD was. Vic had all but one of the symptoms. We FINALLY had an answer! Since Vic is our daughter, and we are her parents, our task was to find out everything we could about RAD and how to take care of our daughter.
RAD is a disorder that stems from a lack of bonding with a primary caregiver (usually a mom) in the first several years of life. Victoria went from her birth mom to the "babushkas" in the orphanages, to a new mom who spoke an entirely different language. Every time Victoria trusted a mom figure, they always let her down. It causes the brain to develop in a way that is traumatic, much like as if she'd experienced concussion after concussion. Her brain did not develop "normally."
With RAD kids, the best kind of early intervention is something called Attachment Parenting, using holding therapy a lot. This never happened with Victoria. She learned that people who were supposed to love and care for her could not be trusted to do that. Therefore, she had to take care of herself. And because she was so young, her coping skills were totally lacking, and she therefore acted out in many ways.
However, the good news is that now that she's MY daughter, my husband & I have loved her enough to get her the help to recover. She attends weekly neurofeedback therapy sessions as well as talk therapy. She has had to learn to trust. She has had to learn to depend on others for her safety and well being. She has had to learn how to deal with anger. Rightfully so, she has gone through periods of extreme anger towards her former mother. They rejected her. They tossed her away. Anyone experiencing this kind of rejection would feel this way. But, God is good! We have helped her learn how to deal with her feelings appropriately, with the help of a good therapist, psychiatrist & God Almighty.
So, this is the background info, to help educate the world on Reactive Attachment Disorder and what it's like to live with a RAD kid.
Presently, Victoria has overcome so much. She is happy. She is loved. She is thriving. She is settled. That is a big, HUGE deal. The old life is left behind and she has much, much to look forward to. I'm excited, as her mom, to see what the Lord will lead her to do.
No, it hasn't been easy. But nothing worth having is ever easy. But we're making it. Thank the Good Lord.
