Day One

Okay.  Day One.  Starting a journey back to the Old Me.  I'm desperate.  I'm off all of my meds that caused me to gain weight.  No more Tamixofen.  No more Cymbalta.  It's just little ole me.  I have been drug free since last April, and still have only managed to lose a few lbs.  So..... here I go!

I'm starting the plan that Dyan is on.  Medi something or other.  It's a plan supervised by a weight loss doctor.  It's designed to put my body into a ketonic state, therefore causing me to burn fat, not muscle, in a very quick way.  And... then there's going to be maintenance, once I lose the weight.  Apparently this first week will be the toughest.  Protein.  That's it.  Lots and lots of protein.  Well, not lots and lots.  Gotta keep it at 500 calories of protein per day for a week.  Then I get to up it to 800 and add back in fruit and veggies. 

No more cream in my coffee.
No more "adult" beverages.
No more carbs.
No more fried okra.
No more light icecream at night.

What do I get?

I get to be back to my old self.
I will get to wear my size 12 jeans again.  Maybe even 10's.
I will get to wear the rest of the clothes in my closet.
I see myself without my extra chins!

The problem is this....  I have body dysmorphic disorder, only in reverse.  I still feel skinny inside.  But when I walk past a mirror, see myself in photographs or in car windows, I don't recognize myself.  Bad.  That is bad.

So, I'm starting on this new journey back to my old self. 

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And that's my life so far.

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So, now it's the end of Day One.  How do I feel?  Well, overwhelmed, to be quite honest.  There is alot to learn.  And like Dyan has told me, I have to wrap my mind around this.  I can do it.  I know I can.  But right now, I'm hungry.  Really hungry. 

Today, I've eaten 1 1/2 eggs for breakfast with 2 cups of BLACK coffee.  Then I had my appt. at the doctor.  That took 2 hours.  I got my vitamin shots and then they gave me a protein bar because I'd blown thru lunch time and was a little shaky.  Then I went to the pharmacy to get my meds filled.  Stopped by Sonic to get a diet cherry limeade.  Came home, took all my supplements and made my grocery shopping list.  Lots and lots of proteins. 

Went to the store and bought what I needed and some extra food stuffs for Don to eat.  He's not on this extreme diet.  He's skinny enough.  Sooooo, then I got home around 4 and dug into my rotisserie chicken, pulled off 4 oz of it and ate it up.  I was REALLY hungry by that time.  Then I drank 20 oz of vitamin water with 0 calories to get some electrolites. 

Next, I cleaned out the fridge of all bad things.  That filled up 2 trash bags.  Oy.... 

For dinner, I got the George Foreman out and grilled 3 oz of salmon, and hardboiled 4 eggs.  I ate one of them along with my salmon, which btw, was quite yummy.  I sprinkled Old Bay Seasoning on it and it was DELISH. 

Now it's almost 8 and I'm still hungry.  I know this will go away.  I'm fixin' to have a diet root beer for dessert.  I know I'll be up all night peein'.  Oh well. 

One day down, 6 to go.  I know I can do it.  I've had LOTS of emotions today.  I cried when I saw my weight.  I was excited when she told me that one of my numbers shows that it's obvious I've been exercising.  I liked that!  The girls at the clinic were VERY encouraging to me.  Dyan was very encouraging to me.  I'm pretty scared, tho....  what if I fail at yet another weightloss attempt???  I simply cannot.  I MUST get this weight off.  My life really depends on it.  I MUST get to where I look good in my pictures again. 

God?  Help me???

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And that's my life so far...