Randon Thoughts for the Month of May

1.  I find when I stay busy, my depression stays away.
2.  The garden beds are built, installed & filled.  :)
3.  It's great having a husband who is so strong.
4.  I love sitting in my garden watching my grandchildren discovering new things while playing there.
5.  Kenzie loves twirling around the tree in the center of my garden, a double blooming weeping cherry tree.
6.  I planted okra.  Lots and lots of okra.
7.  I'm grateful for an inventive husband who devised a way to keep the bunnies out of my raised beds.
8.  I don't mind seeing chickenwire in my garden.
9.  I love my herb bed.  It's filled with oregano, chives, Greek oregano, lavendar, rosemary, thyme, 3 kinds of basil, summer savory, cilantro.
10.  Just when I don't feel valued at church, God reminds me that I am!  Case in point... when walking out of church last Sunday evening, a nice little old lady, while getting into her car, stopped and stood up & told me this:  "I want to thank you for what you do for those children and for our church.  I want you to know you are valued."  God, it can't get any more clear than that!  Thank you, Jesus.
11.  This nagging coughing is not lung cancer.  :)  Just allergies, I suppose...  Never had allergies before.  What's up with that?
12.  I need to get into the Word more, daily.  It always feeds me, and I've been missing it.
13.  I need to keep reading "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn.  It always excites me, thinking about what it will be like in heaven.
14.  I'm looking forward to our Work & Witness trip to Alaska.  Love it up there...
15.  I love spending time with Christian.  He is an interesting child, so creative, and I love that!
16.  Lily delights me.
17.  Kenzie makes me laugh!
18.  Noone knows when the Lord will return, but I feel that it will be soon, and I'm afraid for those who don't know Him. 
19.  Someday my kitchen / dining room / living room will be renovated.  ::deep sigh::
20.  Heard a song on the radio yesterday, K-Love, and it literally had me sobbing in the car.  Part of the lyrics were, "Maybe the trials of this life are simply mercies from above."  What a great way to think about these last 10 years.  Thank you, God.
21.  I have dirt under my fingernails, permanently, I'm afraid.

Break Time...

I wish that blogspot would allow us to have different fonts to use...  oh well.  ::sigh::

So, "The Net" went well.  Actually, it was really, really good!  It all came together well.  Meg was fantastic with the choreography.  Dyan was awesome as the Choir 1 teacher and my calmer-downer.  Shel & Christy were wonderful backstage managing the costume & mic changes as well as operating "The Net."  The band was great, as usual.  The kids sang well, and performed well.  I love my choir.  But...... it's break time.  Yay for that!


Last night was our KCC Awards Ceremony.  The kids were given their participation certificates, perfect attendance certificates, honor beads, and 3 kids were chosen as the Choir Person of the Year in their respective choir levels.  Afterwards, we had our reception & lots of pictures & fun times. 


This weekend is our Choir 3 BBQ at my house.  Yup.  Saturday from 4 - 7 - me and a buncha kids, hot dogs, chips, veggies, hot tub time, watching the video of "The Net," and topping the evening with ice cream sundaes.  It's tradition.  I guess after that, it's officially "break time."


***
Why is it that so many teens have a entitlement mentallity?  Why do they think that they must get everything in life without sacrificing?  Case in point.  Nevermind.  Anyway, miscommunication on my part happened, and as a result, a kid wanted to be paid for something that should have been given as a part of ministry.  I mean, after all, I don't even get paid for this!!!  Why can't parents teach their kids about the value of giving of their time for ministry???  Why must they always expect to be paid????  If either one of my kids would have acted that way, their butt would have been kicked into next week!  Just sayin'.  I'm VERY disappointed in the parenting skills of some people.  Very disappointed.  Lesson learned on my part.  Now I just gotta let it go.  Blogspot, thank you for the therapy session.

***

Mackenzie was so cute last night, at the KCC reception.  I let her down off of my lap, and she made a B-line to the cookie table and swift as ever, reached up to grab a handful of cookies, all before her mommy could get to her.  Precious.  Priceless.  Wish I'd gotten a picture of it.  :)

***

I need to get serious about losing this weight.  No more excuses.  I'm off all medications.  I just need to get a movin', movin', movin'....  Gotta get my bike out of the basement.  Note to self:  get bike out of basement. 

***
And that's my life so far.

Really??? Bring it!!!

Okay...  So, it's "musical" time.  As if you didn't already know.  This is "the" week.  Tonight, rehearsal from 5:15 - 7:30.  Tomorrow, tech rehearsal from 7 - 9, Friday, dress rehearsal from 6 - 8:30, Saturday matinee performance at 3, Sunday evening performance at 6.  Okay.  Yes, it's busy.  But this extreme busy-ness is just for this one week.  The rest of the production times have only involved 1-a-week rehearsals, except if you're in the cast as an actor, or in the band, and then it's 2-a-weeks or an extra rehearsal every 3 weeks or so.  The theme of this year's musical is all about evangelism.  It's teaching the children that THEY can be people who are important to God, who can evangelize.  In fact, the lyrics of one of the songs says, "It was kids, who showed the way.  It was kids, who always did obey, it was kids, who showed an awesome faith, it was kids, who lead the world that day."  It speaks of how powerful some of the kids in the Old Testament were in their day.  Such as Miriam, David, Joseph. 

The problem seems to be, that this year, the production keeps having "stuff" happen.  Stuff which I believe is the work of the devil, wanting to throw me, the producer/director off base.  OR, in thinking about it, perhaps it's just that the Lord is putting these obstacles in here to test the strength of mind that I / we, as KCC staffers have.  Let me just list a few of the things I've faced recently in trying to produce this play....
1)  a child dropped out on THE DAY that she was supposed to rehearse her blocking for the scene she was supposed to be in.  Not good.  Her mom didn't think it was important to teach her child the importance of following through on your commitments, and then reevaluating for the next year. 
2)  another child had dropped out, who had the same part as the child listed above, due to soccer.  Then why did her mother allow her to audition???
3)  I can't find anyone to call the cues.  I've gone thru the list. 
4)  One of my kids was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, for who knows how long.  My heart aches for this child and his parents.

5)  The sound system we're working with is not great.  Having a hard time picking up the voices over the band.

6)  One of my lead actors decided to go to California on a college visit the day before dress rehearsal.  He might not make it back for dress rehearsal.  What????  He's a junior in high school.  Just sayin'...  And I'm paying him. 
7)  During our blocking rehearsal for curtain calls, 3 of my main actors couldn't bother to stick around to run this.  What???

8)  Just found out that my bass player can't make it to Thur, Friday or Saturday.  AND, I'm paying him.  Big.  What???

Above all else, these kids DO MATTER.  Their hard work & dedication to this ministry MATTERS.  They deserve the best from us, the adults in their lives.  They deserve every bit as much effort in their play as is put forth by the people who put on the dinner drama productions, or the adult choir productions.  Why does this always feel like such a struggle?

Perhaps I care too much. 

HHHmmmm, What to Plant??

Okay, so the garden is getting a major re-do.  I'm sick & tired of fighting with the clay soil, and it's just too difficult to get a tiller in there, since I have it darlingly picket fenced in.  So...  I drafted The Hubby into making me some raised beds.  Yup.  We are making 4 raised beds that are 18 inches tall, 10 feet long and 2 feet wide.  Then we're gonna make 3 beds that are 18 inches tall, 8 feet long and 3 feet wide.  Those will be my herb beds.  But, what should I plant in the other beds?  Tomatoes for sure.  Heirloom tomatoes.  I'd like to plant a box full of okra.  I LOVE okra.  I'd also love to plant some cucumbers, a watermelon, and some pie pumpkins.  Think they'll take up alot of room?  Julie, if you're reading this, do you think I can train cucs, watermelon & pumpkins to grow up a trellis?  Perhaps I should grow beans?  They grow great on a trellis...  Great idea!  I'll get right on this. 

pics to come soon.

***
and that's my life so far...

Random Happy Thoughts

I suppose after last Monday's "venting" post, I ought to post some happy thoughts. So here goes:


1. Spring is finally here!


2. I need to plant some heirloom tomatoes. FAST.

3. Last night's rehearsal was very encouraging, in that the kids really do know the lyrics.


4. I'm so proud of Meg, for putting together the choreography, and daring to put props in their hands for each song, to use with the choreography. She's handling this very well, and very professionally. Attagirl!

5. Don started constructing "The Net" last evening. It's so cool to see him getting exciting about designing and constructing this video arcade game for the musical.


6. Kenzie spoke in 2 word sentences today. "Bye Bye Elmo." "Hewwo birdie."

7. Lily was all sorts of cute yesterday, in her springtime skirt and shoes.... and she followed me all around church yesterday. Complete cuteness.


8. Christian is in the choir now. And he's freakin' awesome! He's being so grown up!!! And he's actually singing and doing the choreography. Fun times for this Grandma.

***

And that's my life so far...

Venting...

It's "musical" time... and as usual, I'm gettin' a bit stressed. Doesn't help that I weaned myself off of my psych drugs, therefore goin' it on my own. I just wanna cry at about everything. I cry in commercials now. I cry reading cards. I cry when I tell my husband thank you for helping me redesign my garden. I cry watching eaglets hatch on that website I'm mesmerized with... I'm a mess. ***

I hate feeling like I'm stupid. When I have a plan to redo my garden, I don't need to feel like I'm putting anyone out by not being able to do things myself. However, I'm old, or at least, I feel old, and I'm overweight, and I'm not as able to work hard as I used to do. We need to redo the garden, and I need help to do it. I need my herbs and fresh veggies. But our ground is all clay. Not good for growing things. I'm tired of the battle, and of the weeds. So, Don said he'd build me some raised beds. Fine. I just want my perennial / bulb bed to stay the same. Fine. So, we decided to use some of the flagstone to build a mini wall, to make it look like this space is cordoned (sp?) off. To me, it sorta looks like a secret garden. I built the wall yesterday, after arguing with Don about the fact that he didn't think I could get it done in one day. I stayed home from church to dedicate the day to working in my garden, and yes, I was determined to get it finished. And I did. But at the cost of being made to feel worthless. I hate that.

Case in point... I wanted a patio area to be able to put a little bistro table on with 2 chairs, so I could share a good snack or reading time out there with any of my grandchildren. But the problem was that it was in a corner of the garden with a slope. Don had one idea of how to get the patio put in, and I had another. I kept feeling like I was really putting him out, and I didn't like that. I'm sure it was just my non-cymbalta feelings coming into play. At any rate, I ended up scrapping the idea of the patio, instead opting to put the table and chairs anywhere where there was just mulch on the ground and no raised beds. Don did say he'd put in some concrete to anchor a good, level spot for my butterfly garden bench. Give and take. I guess that's what it's about.

Anyway, after the wall building, I ended up taking my shower, and the more the evening wore on, the more my arthritic joints flared up. By the time it was evening, we sat in the hot tub, trying to ease my pain. And yes, lightning was everywhere, and it was pretty scary / awesome sitting out there with the weather happening all around. We did hightail it out of there once the rain started. Which was a good thing, since the hail storm came just a few minutes later. Haven't seen hail like that in years. Very scary... By the time I went to bed, I literally was crying from the pain in my joints. Took 2 aleve and finally slept.

***

Fast forward to this evening. It was time to meet some choir parents at the church to build the stage for our musical. We needed 10 platforms screwed together, among many other things. I have a vision for what I want, and when people argue with me about it, it really frustrates me. I can see that something CAN work, but they say it can't. I'm made to feel like it's just too much trouble. I hate that. I wish everyone could see the vision I see, but that's not possible, nor should it be. We're all individuals, after all. And I'm coping post-cymbalta. My nerves are on edge, and I'm pretty cymbalta-less sensitive. Don't tell me something can't be done! I can see that it can, and I was frustrated. All it took was moving something 1 or 2 inches one way or the other, and it all would have been perfect. Instead, there's a big gap in the flooring. But, duct tape will fix it, and noone will see it. I just know it could have been done right the first time, and noone wanted to be bothered, so it seemed. I don't like to be made to feel like I don't know what I'm talking about. Frustrating, so venting.

But, the stage is put together, complete with the black curtains, children's risers, floor covering, and skirting, and I must say, it looks GOOD. Very professional looking, which is what our kids deserve. And I had several choir dads come to help, which was a huge blessing.

Venting: sometimes when I ask for help from whoever, I feel like I'm putting them out, or causing an inconvenience. I wish I didn't feel that way. I'm not doing this for ME, for crying out loud! I'm in charge of a ministry that enables children to serve the Lord, have fun while doing it, making them feel empowered in their lives, and to me, there's nothing more important. I just wish everyone else felt that way. Non-cymbalta talking. Oy... but, I will NOT go back on it.

***

So, I gained back 5 of the 8 lbs I lost. The last 2 weeks have been hard on my diet, post-gallbladder surgery. And I'm a stress eater. I had potato chips yesterday. Boy,did they taste good! I threw the rest of the bag away today. Yay for me! I'm back on ww again... trying.

***

We've been bearing alot of stress from work lately. Don hasn't taken a paycheck in a month, and I'm a week behind. We can't get customers to pay, and that puts alot of strain on the company. I'm worried about Don. Everyone else seems to be able to get away from the worry & stress, but not Don. He bears the company on his shoulders. He can't escape it. He keeps working through it, and is determined to see this through. I pray alot, as does Don. God will bring us through this time, and He will receive the glory for it.

***

Not the "happy" blog this time, but it is my life so far...

Post Gallbladder

Post Gallbladder, Day 1. (I think) Okay, so it's Friday at 10:15 PM and I had the little bugger out yesterday morning. So, been over 24 hours. Oy, what an ordeal! If you wanna see something funny, just look at the pictures on Don's facebook site. I pulled it up yesterday and looked at the picture he posted of my gallstone next to my dead gallbladder, and it like FILLED up my computer screen and I'm like "Whoa!" and I burst out laughing, which I paid for in pain! And then I saw Jory's comment, which went something like "Ew, Gross!" and laughed all over again! But ya know what? It IS gross!!! I have 4 pictures of the procedure... and they're all gross. But my liver is mighty pretty! I should figure out how to scan them and post them here... (note to self: learn to scan)

Okay, so got to the hospital before the sun came up. Had to wait for pre-registration to open up. Got all registered, slapped down some moolah, and off we went. Then the fun began. The nurse took me back to my "prep" room, and I had to get in a paper gown, of all things, well, they said that these gowns are especially designed for gallbladder surgeries. Whatev. It was paper. Not happy about that. I like fabric. Soft fabric. Anyway, the nurse went to try and put my IV in, and she kept blowing veins! I"m like, STOP THAT!!! It's ridiculous that they want me to stop drinking fluids the night before, and then come in for surgery and expect your body to be hydrated enough to put in IVs! Are they nuts??? So, this chick was trying so hard, moving the little needle all around, no blood, and then she was like SLAPPING my hand! I'm like STOP THAT!!! LOL I did have my big girl panties on, (only a figure of speech) and I bucked up. They finally decided to put the IV in on the underside of my wrist. Have you ever had that before? OMGosh, talk about PAINFUL! And then to boot, my hand got all swollen from the beating I took!

Finally, they allowed Don to come into the room, only in time to kiss me goodbye, and after I told him that it's been a fun ride, and I love him, off I went. I'm one of those patients who is always so full of questions. "What's that?" "Why are you doing that?" "Can I watch?" "What is that for?" yup, until he slapped the sleeping gas mask on my face, and I was out like a light. To their relief, I'm quite sure. Oh, and I was apologizing for weighing too much. They had to move me from the table back to the bed, andI'm like all over it with the "I'm so sorrys" and they were laughing and saying, "Honey, you don't KNOW what's big!!" LOL Made me feel a tad bit better, right before being gassed out.

Okay, recovery. Don't remember much. Except that I hurt. They took off my paper gown and put on a real, live, soft fabric gown. And I hurt. They gave me morphine. Oy... It hurt. I really don't remember much else until they took me to my first hospital room. And once I was there, it didn't take me long to realize that I couldn't tolerate my roommate. She was groaning, coughing, hacking, and I kept hearing "fever of 102..." and lots of laughing and talking... and "fever of 101.8". I"m like, "Get me outta here!" I asked my nurse who thought it was a good idea to put me, a healthy, non-sick person in the room with a sick person??? And because of the racket, which my nurse conceded was excessive, I got moved out. Pronto. Got put in my own room, and ahhhh it was so much nicer! Right next door, too! Wonder why they didn't do that in the FIRST place???

Slept alot, got nauseas (sp?), slept, no food, only ice chips, all because I didn't have any tummy rumblings. Finally, in the evening, I was able to have clear liquids, and a couple of pain pills, (vicoden, I think) and proceeded to vomit the entire stomach full of liquid right back up, along with the entire IV fluids. It just kept coming and coming. You know your husband loves ya when he holds the "throw up pan" for you, and then wipes your face off. Awww.... Got more morphine. Sent Don home after that.

I did NOT want to spend the night in the hospital, but because of my nausea and vomiting episodes, well, they kept me. And they woke me up every 2 hours or so. How can anyone be expected to get well with that???

Friday morning - felt much better. Dozed thru the morning until they finally released me. And I got to eat! Pancakes. MMMmmm. Came home, ate lunch, and slept alot of the afternoon away.

This weekend is a huge one for the life of my church. I have to be at the church tomorrow ready to ring my handbells by 2:30, for a practice, then sound check with the mics, and then we are in a concert at 5. I hope I do alright. I'm having problems getting to a standing position, but once I do, I'm okay.

Sunday morning, my choir sings. Gotta be there by 8:45. Hope I make it thru all of this. It's our churches Centennial Celebration! One hundred years, KC 1st Church has been around. Quite a big deal.

Tired.

And that's my life so far...